Some of the best excuses justifying your Cycle Tour time

So the World Amateur Funride Road Racing Champs (aka The Cape Town Cycle Tour) is done and dusted! For the rest of the year your finishing time will peg your riding capability in the eyes of the rest of the cycling community.

Perhaps you didn’t crack the milestone you were after or trained for – and you need to go back to your cycling group and give them a brief explanation about what really happened out there on the 109km course.

If you weren’t happy with your time, here are a list of plausible excuses I have heard over the years:

  • My batch was so lazy! I was really keen to get going but no-one wanted to work.
  • Mechanicals – bloody chain jumped off near UCT.
  • Some idiot half-wheeled me up Edinborough Drive and I nearly fell off – and I burnt my legs staying with the group after that.
  • I did all of the work into the wind – and then the group dashed off after Smitswinkel.
  • Cramps! From nowhere….and I never get cramps.
  • So I gave this poor guy all of my water at Misty Cliffs – and then I bonked on Suikerbossie.
  • My group was so lazy going into Camps Bay! No-one wanted to work…
  • And then all the pro chicks pulled in behind me – and I had to do all the work – I blew at the Sea Point pool and limped home…in a 3:01!
  • My bike is 8 years old dude!
  • I didn’t do any seeding races.
  • Listen – I only got on the bike that morning!
  • I was always going to take it easy – so I’m happy with my 6:34.
  • I rode with my friend¬†from the UK so I just took it easy – I just waited at the top of all of the hills.
  • I only got an entry 3 days before the time!
  • I wasn’t trying for a sub 3 – and I’m more than happy with a 3:02! (Not)
SK Kit

The new Smooth Knobblies kit has attracted much attention and admiration at this year’s Cape Town Cycle Tour


Ali doing her sponsor proud

Sub 3 knobs

The Sub 3 crowd

Twakkie start

Twakkie doing a groupie at the start


The results

On that note – special mention to the following Smooth Knobblies:

  • Alison Morton (for a change) who – at 15 and on her first solo ride of The Tour – is already knocking at the sub 3 club. Amazing ride young lady!
  • Twakkie – The little bugger has now tasted what its like to go over 30km/h again and the talk around the water cooler is that he’s on the market for a road bike. Do I sense a comeback year…on the ROAD BIKE?
  • Jello breaks into the sub 3 club for the first time – with CrackMan as his aider and abetter.
  • Shaun continues his record of “a sub 3 in every Argus he’s ridden in” (and Westville pipped Kearsney at the line again!)
  • Well done to Chanan for getting over his Patagonian Herpes to make the ride just in time (and in a respectable time too!).
  • Gav still has that monkey on his back…eish. (Come and ride with us in the mornings Gav…we’ll fix you for sub 3).
  • Charity Award to Moose for riding with Oom Flip – a very respectable ride when most people his age are in wheelchairs….(let me be clear: Oom Flips age – not Mooses)
  • Simon breaks below his desired 3:15 – but we all know what he’s really after…2017 Si?

Rens Rezelman

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